For the man who is the most desperate to get laid, the signs are clear: he’s using you. You either have to be a total bitch to keep up, or he finds the act so amusing he can’t stop laughing.
Not really. A man who uses you is probably married or at least seeing someone. Just because you don’t see the marriage on your tax returns doesn’t mean you want to divorce him, or you have to get married again.
For those of us who are in the middle of a divorce where things arent going too well, there are plenty of signs of being used. Men tend to be the ones who use the most often while the ones who dont, tend to be the ones who are more aggressive and less willing to settle for a compromise.
What you should look for are signs of being used. Signs that you are not as available as you were, or that even when you are available, you are using other people. There are some signs that are more subtle. Like when you start talking to another guy, and he doesn’t seem interested or more distant than you normally are. Or like when he tells you he likes you, but then tries to be nicer than usual.
Some couples have a mutual respect and understanding that should be reflected in the way they interact. But there are also couples who are not comfortable with having to compromise. It is true, for example, that a husband who lets his wife stay home can be seen as the less available partner. But it is also true that a wife who lets her husband stay home can also be seen as the less available partner.
For example, the way a wife may feel more comfortable with an arrangement she doesn’t want to have. Or the way a wife may feel more comfortable with an arrangement she does want to have. There are also couples who find a way to compromise without hurting themselves.
All of this is meant to point to some common themes that people have been wrestling with over the years: the tension between personal and professional, the danger of lying to the world, and the need to take on responsibilities the hard way. But we can look at some of the other themes that people have been wrestling with over the years.
These include the question of whether people who are married are “using” each other in any way, the question of whether those who do not tell their spouses about their extramarital activity are actually “using” their spouses, and the question of whether an affair or extramarital activity is a “use” at all.
It’s a fascinating discussion. However, for a long time, I thought it best not to talk about these thoughts.
We have a lot of questions and problems to talk about. Its not that we don’t want you to know what we’re talking about, and not to use our ideas to solve problems. However, we do want you to know what we think about these things.
There is a lot of confusion and suspicion about these ideas about extramarital activity and affairs. The problem is that these ideas are popular and have a strong pull to many people. Even if you’re married, and you dont have an affair, it feels like a lot of people think that you shouldn’t be using your spouse.